One of the things I learned studying masculinity in America is that there are moments when the question, what does it mean to be a man, rises. It usually coincides with seismic shifts like the Industrial Revolution.

Our discussion with Nate Pyles about his Book Man Enough and knew we needed to hear his thinking on manhood right away. Enjoy!

Stephen Boyd, Professor of Religion and Public Engagement at Wake Forest, specializes in 

the history of Christianity and Christian thought, gender studies, and religion and public life. He’s authored multiple books on masculinity and what it means to be a man, and today we’ll be digging into his best-selling Christian book, The Men We Long To Be. 

In this book, Stephen argues that our patriarchal system socializes and conditions our men to become, what he calls, lonely warriors and desperate lovers. 

We talk a lot about the ideal biblical woman, and so often get it wrong. But guess what? We have this man stuff all messed up too.

I have spent years studying the issue of masculinity in America.

I have concluded that much of what we are taught is cultural, not biblical. Today let's go back to Jesus and ask him what it means to be a man who follows after you. How does your life help us understand what it means to be a real man? Join me as we discuss these issues with Carolyn Custis James.

If you question what you learned about the bible, do you stop being a biblical woman?

I’ve been on a spiritual journey of unlearning and relearning my Christian faith.

So much of what Brian Zahnd writes gives words and comfort to me.

I appreciate how he normalizes what many of us are going through. For those raised in the conservative evangelical world, unlearning and relearning can be scary. We’ve been taught not to question or shift our theology, or as it’s said, you’ll end up on the slippery slope to liberalism or, worse, have no faith at all. Listen today as Brian normalizes this spiritual learning journey of unlearning and relearning.

Sex is such a complicated topic because it's so personal and vulnerable. Most of our parents didn't talk about it; culture is hypersexualized, our parents were quiet, and porn's the go-to for learning how to. And sadly, our faith communities aren't doing much better. 

Many of the messages we received in the conservative faith community, were well, just wrong. Real crap. 

Today I want to talk to Sheila Gregorie, the author of the book "The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended." Sheila and her team help women discover what beliefs hold their sex lives hostage and provide them with a roadmap to experiencing amazing, mind-blowing, great sex.

Sheila is an award-winning author of 9 books, and she's a wildly successful blogger on marriage. She's the face behind ToLoveHonorandVacuum.com. 

It's been three years since we've gone home for Christmas to be with my extended family, Covid. You know. And I anticipate warm wood-burning fires and fabulous food. Cause we are all foodies. My younger siblings have young kids --- you know it's the kiddos that make Christmas; their excitement and wonder are contagious. So I'm excited to be with them. But I'd be remiss if I left you with this Norman Rockwell image of my family. Because well, like most of you, my family’s got stuff and it can blow up, on Christmas. So there's that too. Isn't this the accurate picture of life, Tov and Ra, good and bad all mixed in?

One of the ways I'm trying to prepare my heart this season is by thinking about God as love. And Jesus Christ is the God among us. We've all heard the familiar passages read during this season, like Matthew 1:23 "Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means 'God is with us.'" God with us is a big deal.

What's even more significant is God is love; that's what John tells us (1 John 4). When I hear "God is love," I tend to go to the cross as the ultimate act of love, and it is, but I think I've so focused on that event that I've minimized the importance of God the incarnation, God in the flesh, God with us. And God is love.

Today I’m talking with Rob Dixon about ten attributes that create flourishing relationships between men and women.

Rob’s work speaks specifically to mixed-gender relationships in ministry and the workplace, but I have to tell you, I highlighted some things for Steve and me to discuss when he gets home from Africa.

The holiday season is upon us. And many of you have shared your angst about what could happen around the table; there’s potential for explosive conversations that could harm the relationships. Or maybe for some of you, the time around the table is just, well, boring. No one ever really says anything, just a lot of small talk, and you usually leave feeling like it was a waste of time.

So I thought, what if this year we got intentional about our time around the table.

What is this year we showed up?

Abraham and Sarah and Hagar is a crazy story from the Bible that pastors often use as biblical support for telling women to go back and submit to their abusive husbands.

Does this familiar passage ask women to submit to their abusive husband’s authority? Hmm, well, perhaps it doesn’t. Are we really seeing what our Bible says?

I’m learning a new skill when reading the bible; it’s a skill teaching me to look for women.

For example, I’ll ask my students to turn to a familiar passage like Luke 10, the story of Mary and Martha. And I ask them what they learned about this passage. Usually, they tell me it has something to do with having a quiet time with Jesus. I say, let’s take another look.

Today I want to talk about God’s people being condescending. Yes, condescending, not in the way we’ve come to understand that word, to be patronizing or act superior. No, not that but rather what the term used to mean.

Many of you out there have to go against the grain, transgress gendered boundaries, and in doing so, you've disappointed your parents, partner, or faith community.

What I want you to know is you have not disappointed Jesus. And after learning about our early Church sisters, I want you to know you stand on the shoulders of a long legacy of faithful women who defied their culture's expectations of women – in obedience to Christ.

So I leave you with Paul's word, "we are not here to please man but God. So be you and know you please your maker." 1 Thess. 2:4 NLT

It has been a year. A loooong year. More like two years. We might need to step away from all the madness and get a word from God. Just a word. Something God might want to say to you personally.

So on today's' podcast, I've asked my daughter to read to you, and through that reading, I pray the Spirit speaks.

A word.

A word for you.

I have to be honest with you my faith looks different for me now. Some of the things I used to believe I don’t any longer, and I’m trying to figure out the complexities of how to love a mentally ill family member or hold on to hope when sexism continues to rain, not only in the culture but in our churches. Issues have gotten more complex and more nuanced, so what we’re gonna do is we’re going to look back on these issues faith hope & love with a whole lot of wrinkles.

I’m older, and I’m looking back in my rearview mirror, where I see a more wrinkled faith. What I thought in my younger years, you know this escalator theology that would always go onward and upward, well we’re throwing stinking thinking out the window. 

Let’s revisit this topic, it’s that important.

I've sat with many married women who have this ache to be desired by their husbands, not just sexually but in all kinds of ways. And I've heard it from my single friends and my aging friends, who worry that they will become invisible and in my kid's lives and my own life and marriage. And we've all experienced it in our friendships, this wanting to be wanted. The longing to be chosen, to belong.

PLUS

I have some thoughts about ableism. If you don't know what that is, welcome to the club. I didn't either until my friend, Renee, said, hey, if you're going to be doing some stuff on the body, then I highly recommended you read, Sitting Pretty. The View from my ordinary resilient disabled body by Rebekah Taussig, which I did. Now let me share some thoughts.

I’m not against thin, sexy, young, or having babies. But that story isn’t big enough, complex enough to capture what it means to walk around in our bodies. I by no means have all the answers. What I do have are more important questions. Questions that go beyond, “Are my legs long, thin, or tan enough?”

Trust me; your body needs to hear this.

Today is June 29th. Three years ago today, Steve and I were on the road, somewhere near Nashville, Tenn, when I received a call from Hampton. I will never forget the sound of my son's voice. He wailed, "Mom, Cameron killed himself." I was in shock, and suddenly it felt like I couldn't breathe. I don't even remember what I said; there are no mothering books for this one, but I know we turned around, went straight to the Nashville airport, and back to Texas. 

There's a verse in Genesis that says women will have pain in childbirth. It's a consequence of the fall. I take that to mean physical pain, but nowadays, that can be solved with an epidural. YES! It means physical pain, but perhaps more so it may speak of the mother's heart. The ache, worry, gut-punch we feel for our kids that carry with us for the rest of our lives. If you're a mom or you've mothered, you know what I'm talking about, don't you? 

I guess what I want to say to all of you who are nodding your head with me right now is that I knew that, but what no one told me was that my heart would ache, my mother's heart, for my kid's friends too.

These kids that your kids keep bringing into your life, they too will become a part of your mother's heart. 

Think about it for a second your physical body identifies who you come from?

Now hold onto that because it sets us up for what God said in our creation story, “Let us make humans in our image, to be like ourselves, male and female.” So basically, God is saying the triune God put a splash of God within her, something that when she sees her reflection, she’ll know who she is, Who God is, where she comes from, and why she’s here.

I reached out to a bunch of guys, white male Christians between the ages of 35- 65, men who have been raised and served in the conservative evangelical church, pastors, preachers, worship leaders, lay leaders in our churches.

I hope that this conversation will lead you to have a conversation with the men you know, and together maybe we Christians, through the power of the spirit and name of Jesus Christ, might - reshape the church's view – of men and women.